Real stories are rarely ever told when a mother experiences the loss of her baby. Infant mortality is not something new. It has been going on for some time but with the advancement of technology and the medical field, the U.S. rate shouldn’t be so high among other countries. Well, the time has come for me to tell my story. I encourage other mothers to do the same. Personally, I do not think anyone should have to endure what I have. I am not saying that women will not lose babies. However, I am saying the way that I was treated and the care I received should never be tolerated on any level. It should not matter whether you are a first-time mother or not. I believe medical professionals should not be allowed to make the errors that were made with me. It is understood that medical professionals are humans and they make mistakes also but there are just some things that are preventable that shouldn’t happen. It is my belief that if medical professional; especially those that are OB/GYNs would listen to mothers; regardless, if she is a first-time mother or not that many things wouldn’t happen. All pregnancies are different and they should be treated that way.
I have provided my story to show how the Standard of Care was breached significantly along with negligence. I never imagined in my life that I would be writing or telling anyone the story that I have been living for the past six years. On May 24, 2014, a weekend that would change my life forever. On this day I would visit the ER for the following complications to my pregnancy spotting, pain in the abdomen, and loss of fluid. I would be sent home after being in the labor and delivery department for 8 – 9 hours. The doctor never visited me or came to talk with me about what was going on. However, it wouldn’t be until, Monday, May 26, 2014, when things would prove itself. On this day things turned quickly and for the worse. The turn my life would take is one I pray no woman would ever have to experience. You never know what anything is like until you have walked in the shoes yourself and just because you experienced something someone else has gone through you still don’t know the pain they felt when they went through their experience or what they felt like after the experience. Unfortunately, on Saturday, May 24, 2014, I called the Dial-a-Nurse and told her I was spotting, cramping, and had just experienced a gush of water. She told me to clean myself up, put a sanitary napkin on, and go on with my day. She went on to say things were okay. Later on, in the day around 4 p.m., I became worried because Khairi was not moving in ways that I was familiar with. So, I went to the ER then I was transported to Labor and Delivery. Once there I was placed on the fetal monitor and informed Khairi heart rate was 162 bpm and that he was fine. I was tested by the nurse to see if my amniotic fluid was present but it came back negative. I am told another test should have been done with dye to check for ruptures, well it wasn’t. I was then sent to have an ultrasound done. During the process of the test, I asked the ultrasound tech, if Khairi was on my bladder. I was informed he was and that he was faced down. When the results came back it revealed that I had lost some amniotic fluid. I asked if he would be okay and I was told he was fine. After 8-9 hours at the ER Labor and Delivery, I was discharged around 12:30 am on Sunday morning. I was told to follow up with my OB/GYN the following week. I assumed I was being told right. I would have never thought everything that had been done to me or told to me was wrong, this was their job. Why would they lie to me? I thought by going to the hospital that I would get help. I thought I was in good hands.
On the following day which was Sunday, I was still experiencing pressure. I kept things to a minimum and rested; meanwhile, after going to bed. I was awakened to some excruciating pain that got worse and around 5:30 a.m. my precious angel arrived in the world. I was now faced to face with my baby boy. I was a nervous wreck at this point. So, my mama called 911 and was put on a brief hold. Eventually, after about 5 minutes the emergency crew arrived and began working on me. They cut the umbilical cord and placed Baby Khairi in a chug to keep him warm and gave him oxygen. They got us in the ambulance and proceeded to the hospital. I will say the firefighter that had Baby Khairi took really good care of my baby boy. As we approached the hospital and got to where we were going things turned again. The paramedic had to holler at the nurses. No one there took my situation serious which was the reason for him hollering telling them to get up and show them where to take me. They did as he said and placed me in a room. Along with everyone that came into the room a nurse came in to get Khairi. I thought she was going to take him to NICU. However, when she came back, I touched her on her should as she was kneeling down. I asked her if she took my son to NICU and she responded and said, He didn’t make it. After hysterically clearing the room out with everyone except for the doctor and the registration nurse. The doctor started his examination with questions until the nurse stopped him and said she was just here less than 24 hours ago. The doctor was very surprised and asked, “Why were you here”. I informed him about the experience I had with the gush of water, pain, and spotting. The doctor then said “everything was a “FALSE NEGATIVE” and that I should have never been released”.
Upon hearing from the staff, the doctor that discharged me came to my room to tell me she was sorry for my loss, at this point, I realized what it was like to be paralyzed from the neck down. I actually wasn’t able to move or speak, making matters worse a nurse came in and apologized. This was one of the nurses that were working that Saturday when I went in complaining. Two apologies back to back but neither could bring my precious angel back. L
Later that day a nurse came in and asked me for the name I had given my angel. I named him Khairi which means “a kingly man”. It puzzled me that no real reason was ever given why my baby boy was born so early. However, the hospital stated my baby boy died of respiratory failure. I had to research respiratory failure to find the medical definition of it. I found that respiratory failure is a condition in which the level of oxygen in the blood becomes dangerously low or the level of carbon dioxide becomes dangerously high. I was informed I would always wonder “was it this” or “was it that”. This can cause a person to lose their mind not having an answer as to what happened. Well, after being discharged I realized there are answers to be provided. Although I was informed there were no answers. I felt like the hospital owed me that much, to this day I still haven’t received any from them. They knew they messed up with me. They knew more could have been done to save my baby. My OB/GYN said it herself when I went to my follow up appointment but it was too late at this point. She stated, they should have kept me when I came in that Saturday because it was obvious that I was going into labor within 12 to 24 hours. On the day of my discharge, I was informed by the neonatologist that my baby was placed in another room next to mine and left to die. Yes, he was treated like an abortion that was gone wrong. He was said to be too young to survive on his own and this was not true. I was also informed that if I wanted a miracle that I should have gone to the hospital down the street. Once again, the hospital admitting they didn’t have the equipment needed to care for my son and that his death was preventable. I have since been informed Khairi should have been in a Level IV NICU, we were in a Level III NICU. So, the miracle was down the street a Level IV NICU. However, this is why I share so mothers will know there are different NICUs at hospitals and you never know when you may go into labor. Just make sure you know what you need to know ahead of time. It is never too soon to write your plan down.
After being discharged from the hospital I started researching and found a few stories about how babies younger than Khairi gestation week lived and how babies Khairi’s exact gestation week had lived, so the big question was “WHY? Why is my baby gone”? How could this happen? How could a hospital make so many mistakes? How could the medical professional not have compassion in a situation like this? My baby came into the hospital breathing. Why didn’t they keep him breathing? Why was an incubator not an option? The oxygen was taken off of him because as long as he was with the firefighter with the oxygen on him, he was doing good. There are so many reasons why I was done this way one is because this hospital went by statistics. Which I learned on April 18, 2020, that I was right. A doctor that has been working with me informed me this is what some neonatologist do when babies are born in what is considered a grey area. They provide this information to the parents to persuade them to believe the statistics and that they have done the best thing for their baby, in reality in some cases they haven’t. Why was I treated so badly? I didn’t have it in me to do anything or speak a word to anyone. I was in a state of shock with so much hurt and pain.
After leaving the hospital it was now time to make arrangements to bury Khairi. It wasn’t what I expected. The price to bury a baby was just as much as an adult. So, I laid Khairi to rest and heard from GOD telling me to do something. I asked what and HE revealed help ease the pain that you felt when Khairi left you. I began working on my own non-profit an organization that would help underserved mothers that found themselves not able to pay for burial for their infant and give them mental health counseling and support. Today, I am proud to have my own organization Khairi and Little Angels’ Memorial and a healing support group named Stand by Us.
I live with this every day but I found a way to make a difference. I have LIVE videos on the internet, YouTube, and have assisted four families with the burial of their babies. I advocate now for the infant mortality rate to decrease. I didn’t know and wasn’t aware that a childbirth crisis was going on when I had Khairi because many were not speaking or sharing their stories about how their baby died due to the doctors not listening to them when they voiced their concern about complications in their pregnancy. However, it was said that this was done at an alarming rate to minority women. I hate I was a part of this and wish that it could all be undone but it is something I have to live with for life. Many tell me to have another baby. Although it does sound nice it will not change the hurt and pain, I experienced with Khairi just only allow me to be the wonderful mother I would have been to Khairi.
I have grown a lot in these six years; especially spiritually. I had to learn that GOD doesn’t hurt or harm you and that is the work of the enemy. I was never mad at GOD. I just wanted answers more than anything. Personally, this journey I have been on has allowed me to find my purpose in life. I didn’t see any good manifesting from losing Khairi but it did. GOD did what HE promised me in Jeremiah 29:11. It states, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end”. I ask any woman now to speak up and speak out. If there are any things that don’t sit well with you get another opinion from a physician you trust. You could be saving your baby life and not know it. It is better to be safe than sorry.